Monkey in My Closet
by Junityke
Summary: Chris sings about the evil monkey in his closet. Songfic based on 'Cleanin out my closet' by Eminem


**Disclaimer: I do not own Family Guy, any of the characters therein. I also do not own Adult Swim, FOX, or TBS (yeah, they play it there, too). I do not own Eminem, and I don't own any of his songs.**

**Monkey In My Closet**

Have you ever seen hate

From a tiny primate like this?

I have that little monkey,

He scares me out of my wits

Evil shines in his little eyes

That monkey's my

Sleepless night and cautious day hyperactivity drive

I get this notion emotions just send him into convulsions

But no one's carin' I'm bearin' this fear of him on my shoulders

I have done nothing to no one, gives me hell long as he's breathing

Scaring my ass in the morning, still scaring me in the evening

Growling at me with those super sharp ass teeth in his mouth

Points his finger at me, man I'll never figure it out

Looks at me now, he's prob'ly trying to get to me now!

Help me mama! I asked you, but hell, I am begging you now!

Please help me mama

He's gonna try to hurt me

He's gonna try to make me cry

Through the night

That monkey in my closet

One more time

I said

Please help me mama

He's gonna try to hurt me

He's gonna try to make me cry

Through the night

That monkey in my closet

Most kids see monsters inside their closet

But they can just go and close it

This monkey's gonna put me in a coffin, I know it

Not hard to show it, I wonder why he's fin' with me

I never ever did nothing to that stupid ass monkey

Why not the baby? He always has some big guns, swords and bombs

My fat ass father even, or maybe my retarded mom

I got it! Meg, that dumb girl, no one would miss her! Alright!

Hey, I know she's my sister but I really don't want to die

I see that monkey and I just imagine how I might die

And if I evaded him, he'd just show up and I'd die anyway

Another way, like when we moved to Chinatown

A Chinese version of him was waitin' for me on the street with those sharp teeth

Now, I know I'm stupid

No doubt that I'm dumb

But I do know I see that monkey, and when I see him I run

Cause he will kill me, hell, he'd prob'ly kill Meg and me both

Family Guy

Who the hell came up with this violent ass show?

Please help me mama

He's gonna try to hurt me

He's gonna try to make me cry

Through the night

That monkey in my closet

One more time

I said

Please help me mama

He's gonna try to hurt me

He's gonna try to make me cry

Through the night

That monkey in my closet

Now, I'd never make up a monkey just to get some attention

Take a second to listen 'fore you think it's just superstition

Put your self in my position, just try to envision

Witnessin' your closet taken with a monkey bent on killin'

Wishin' that you could just go to sleep and one day he'll be gone but

Realizing that that's just a dream and that dream it's so far and all

The nightmares, made me believe I was dyin' when I wasn't

First I threw up, then I blew up and woke up sick to my stomach, cussin'

Why don't you ever listen to or believe in me ma?

Cause I could really use the peace from you relievin' me ma!

Cause guess what? His woman left him now, so he's old and he's lonely

And that just gives him more time to plot about how he's gon' throw me

Off of a building or cliff, spike all my food with Albuterol

'Til I overdose, then he'd prob'ly laugh at my funeral!

You see, what scares me the most is that he is there all night long

He's like Killer Kong, how can you not help me? How can you mom?

Cause he scares me when he growls at me starts to throw fits

And shake his fists, I hope he burns in monkey hell for that (stuff)

You remember all the laughs and times that you had with me?

Well there done. Cause I'm dead because of that monkey!

Please help me mama

He's gonna try to hurt me

He's gonna try to make me cry

Through the night

That monkey in my closet

One more time

I said

Please help me mama

He's gonna try to hurt me

He's gonna try to make me cry

Through the night

That monkey in my closet


End file.
